I recently defended not sending my kids to Chinese school—learn from my mistakes!

What I said, what I wish I had said, and what I shouldn’t have said (but really wanted to say)

Do you know that feeling? When you are just chatting, the other person suddenly starts questioning your entire parenting approach? Yes, I just encountered it.

One day when I was chatting with another parent in the park, she asked me, "So, which Chinese school do your kids go to?" I smiled and replied, "Oh, we don't send our kids to Chinese school. We learn at home with Lele."

Then, I saw her eyes widen: "You didn't send them to Chinese school? How can they learn well?" "Aren't you worried that they won't be serious enough?" "Without a fixed curriculum, how can they be motivated?"

My inner drama begins: Calm down, you have thought about this question many times. You don't have to prove anything.

However, I couldn’t help but go into “defense mode” instead of “discussion mode”.

❌ What I said (but it didn’t really help)

❌ "In fact, many children who go to Chinese schools don't like learning Chinese in the end, and they give up halfway through learning." (Which is true, but it only makes the other person feel like you're criticizing her choices, and the conversation becomes a battle of offense and defense.)

❌ "To be honest, most Chinese schools use rote learning, which children don't like at all." (This sentence turns the conversation into a question of "whose way is better", which actually distances them from each other.)

✔️ I wish I had said...

✔️ "I totally understand your concerns! I actually had the same question at first." (Understanding the other person's thoughts first can make the conversation smoother.)

✔️ “For our family, Lele makes Chinese a part of daily life rather than an extra homework.” (Focus on “this worked for us” rather than “your approach is wrong.”)

✔️ "What do you think is the most difficult part of Chinese school?" (Turn the conversation back to the other person’s experience so that it becomes a discussion rather than a debate.)

😅 I shouldn’t have said this, but I really want to say it…

😅 “Oh, my kids are chatting in Chinese outside right now, and we’re here discussing their language learning problems.”

😅 "Yes, I just hope that my children can learn slowly and happily, so that they can remember Chinese for the rest of their lives."

😅 “Did you know that many children who didn’t go to Chinese schools can still speak Chinese fluently when they grow up, and even fall in love with reading!”

✨ Conclusion: Next time you have this kind of conversation, keep these points in mind✨

✅ Curiosity trumps argument. Instead of rushing to prove that your way is right, it is better to ask the other person what they think first. ✅ Personal stories speak louder than statistics. People are more likely to be moved by "your experience" than by a bunch of academic research. ✅ Resolve conflict, not confront it. No one likes to be criticized, and even if the other person initiates the "attack" first, you can choose to respond in a gentle way.

So next time, when you are at a parent-teacher gathering or a family dinner and are asked, “Why don’t you send your children to Chinese school?” remember—you don’t need to “defend,” you just need to share your story and show your confidence.

(But if you do have a perfect “god reply”, remember to send me a private message, I really want to hear it! 😉) A parent who didn't send his child to Chinese school but is super happy❤️