Bilingual Q&A 8: The mother insists on speaking Chinese to her child, but the child always answers in English. What should I do?
Q: A mother who lives in an English-speaking country brought up the above fact. Her child was already 5 years old, and eventually she felt very tired and gave up speaking Chinese.
Children gradually use English to "replace" their increasingly less fluent Chinese to answer their parents' questions. This phenomenon does often occur, especially as their English becomes better and better.
We first understand that in an English-speaking environment, it is indeed not easy to persist in learning Chinese, because children live and grow in this environment. Generally speaking, as long as the children start school, After being exposed to English with teachers and classmates in school for a long time, their English has improved by leaps and bounds. They use English more "easily" and "naturally" and do not feel the need to speak Chinese. Moreover, they are smart enough to know that their parents "know" English. (even without native language proficiency).
Therefore, parents must first realize that from the perspective of their children, they will not actively and voluntarily learn Chinese. The "expectation" for them to become bilingual is indeed the "expectation" of their parents, not their own wishes. In the many cases I have observed, it is a common phenomenon that children's oral language development goes through three stages: "able to listen and speak", "able to listen but not speak", and "neither listen nor speak". With this understanding, parents should not be "surprised" or "disappointed" when their children refuse or even rebel and are unwilling to speak Chinese (and certainly not willing to read/write Chinese).
Generally speaking, at this stage before the age of 5 or 6, children spend almost all their time with their families. The language input they receive is likely to be more Chinese (if their parents expect them to know Chinese), so communicating in Chinese is It is a habit that is easy to develop, requires little effort on both sides, and progresses smoothly and successfully.
However, as children grow older and go to school, at this stage, whether in preschool or primary school, they begin to receive a large amount of English "input". In the school environment, both teachers and classmates speak English. Not only does the child's English listening improve, but also The opportunities to speak English have also greatly increased, and they have gradually developed the phenomenon of expressing themselves only in English. This is the "dilemma/bottleneck" faced by this mother. The parents will struggle to decide whether to give up speaking Chinese?
Our answer is not only persistence, but also persistence, and it is "gentle" persistence.
At a child's age, if parents tell their children that learning Chinese is "for your own good", "for your future future", "to make it easier for you to find a job in the future", etc., I'm afraid the child may not understand it, nor can they feel such "distantness" positive consequences. Therefore, try a "gentle" approach. For example, parents can make it clear that they hope their children can speak Chinese because they can communicate better with them, and at the same time hope that they can maintain communication and cultivate relationships with relatives who only speak Chinese. , this process really needs to be completed through gentle "good words" and the creation of "various real life experiences". For example, parents themselves often tell many Chinese stories to their children and let their children participate in speaking Chinese. It’s good to “seduce” them into hearing about Chinese and let them “experience” speaking Chinese.
Frankly speaking, this process is not easy. Some children accept it easily, while others have to put in some effort to achieve this goal. But no matter what, the "perseverance" attitude of parents is the key factor. They must not only listen patiently to them speaking Chinese, but also provide appropriate and natural assistance and encouragement when they try to express themselves in Chinese and encounter difficulties. There are many successful examples. The "behind the scenes" are the results of long-term patience and perseverance by parents and children together. There are no shortcuts.
Finally, if the parents feel that after trying every method, the child still refuses. I would emphasize that you should not sacrifice the "parent-child relationship" for language learning. This is not worth the gain. Of course, if your persistence succeeds, the children can communicate with their parents in their mother tongue, and the "parent-child relationship" will definitely be doubled.Continue reading: